Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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