i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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