i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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