I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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