I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
