Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
