There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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