Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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