There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
