ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
