dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
