Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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