The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
