around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
