you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
