for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
