I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
