Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
