Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry Heythatsnotpunny hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...

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(210): View more from Texas

I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.

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(316): View more from Kansas

I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.

(1-316): View more from Kansas

Yeah I'm going to bathe him.

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'

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(601): View more from Mississippi

You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."

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(716): View more from New York

Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras

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(212): View more from New York

you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms

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(305): View more from Florida

He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!

Fav 0 162 22
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