Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
