He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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