I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
