do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
