She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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