mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
