Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
