He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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