She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
