He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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