apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
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So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
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Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize