totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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