Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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