Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
