I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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