You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position