I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.