You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
it was like eating out sand paper
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.