My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
