I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
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I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
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Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.