$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He shit in the fireplace
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
