when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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