My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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