I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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