so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize