dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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