You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he thought i was a dude.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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