the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Don't tell me you're on acid again
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
