your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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