i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
