If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
