Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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