Christians are straight up FREAKS
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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