the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
