she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
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