Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
