she takes plan B like it's going out of style
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
