I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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