Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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