if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
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