I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
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both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
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I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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