How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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