fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
