we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
