Sry I called you an 8
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
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Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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