shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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