Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
whose ass print is on the piano?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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