I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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