My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
