I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
