Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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