ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
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My bed is full of blood and feathers
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Still dying that you shit outside
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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