Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
