Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
