I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
