I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
