she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just had sex bonerless
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
